Tag Archives: musing

Friday photos from N&C farm, and thinking about ANWR.

It felt good to get back to work at the farm yesterday

The leaves have unfurled & there was a nice rain in the evening 

A new high tunnel is under construction, which will allow the plastic to be removed from the Cathedral – giving the elements of Sun, Rain, & Air the chance to work their gifts in clearing & breathing the soil which has been under cover for 5 years

Bean seeding day!

These are Romano beans, and I was to use up the rest of them 

12 trays in all

Then another variety, purple, called Amethyst

Pardon me while I marvel once again at the beauty & diversity of bean seeds…



In they go!

Chioggia Beets, & a New Zealand Spinach variety were also seeded.

Then onto a few herb & flower transplants


With the help from Sebastian

Bob grows many varieties of Peppers, & does the transplanting of those to be absolutely sure he’s sure that the hot & sweet types are clearly marked

These piles of markers were assembled during a conversation with one of the on-farm interns

I didn’t notice their construction, as I was filling trays & my eyes were focused on my hands’ actions

But it was a delightful surprise to find later – simple creations of beauty

Across the road, Bob set to applying composted manure to some beds awaiting 3 varieties of Kale

The hens were moved there to work up a site for future planting

(Feel free to add your favorite Why did the chicken cross the road? joke in the comment section…)

 Yesterday evening, as I drove home with the radio tuned into the local, independent station

I heard about the go-ahead to drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

If nothing else, please scroll down & read the Wikipedia section on Opposing Views and the position of the Native Alaskan Tribes.

(The fact that I was driving my car at the time was not lost on me…)


The ANWR was what I woke up with in my mind.

The Porcupine Caribou calving grounds are there

People are still thinking they are not of this place

Why else would such a go-ahead be made?

What would the whales say, if we could ask them…?


They see the world in a different way from us humans

We humans think we know what’s best


But I’m not so sure of that

What if the Caribou could be asked 

And the Native Treaties honored

I think a lot of things, like most humans do…

I donate money to the NRDC, with the hope that they can do something to protect this place, our place, this Us-thing-place we call Earth

But donating money isn’t enough, & I don’t donate a ton of money either.

(After meeting someone who worked in a non-profit that often went to court, she said that even $5 helps pay for transportation…)

How does one really stop a tide of greed & shortsightedness & a massive corporation like Shell from doing something…?

What if the guide was truly: what is for the benefit of ALL beings…?

Reminding myself, reflecting on change, & that word “forever”.

everything changes.


Winter gives way to Spring


Spring gives way to Summer


Summer eases into Fall


and so on.

every thing changes.


simple, right?

obvious, right?



but but but

there is still in me this *thing*

like an assumption

of forever


which is a curious word

in and of itself.




(RIP Artemis)

this day has come

and it will go

each breath comes in, then goes

the people i love, this body i’m inhabiting, even the beliefs i hold about those i do not love…

everything changes.


i watch how i live my life – and i see how i try to hold on to things

at times, so often, so graspy.

at times, now and again, with grace.


and just like that

things change.


don’t get me wrong – i appreciate things that are built to last

older buildings being my favorite examples of such things…

or the telephone which sat on the table and was heavy and had the long curly cord attached to it…

people who are courageous, who vow to walk their lives together till death comes for one… signing up for that depth of future-grief.


i guess it’s simply unsettling, still,

this sort of being-ness

like walking a fine line

which always feels like some being-in-between

and the dance of acceptance & effort is a delicate one


i watch the longing – and then i try to practice settling in, or settling down – somewhere in the heart region.

the image that comes is leaning back, into a sort of low & very comfortable chair.

then my eyes, which are often quite alert & tense, relax.


20 years ago this month, (a baffling thing to write) i moved to New York City to begin my formal studies of Shiatsu.

and for a while, i practiced… mostly part-time, and a stretch of years full-time after getting my NY state license to practice massage.

now i only practice every now and again

and find that i mostly enjoy offering it in a casual way – as needed.

“spot work” – and it has taken a long time to drop the judgement of not doing bodywork in that full-on professional way any longer.


when i was 23 i thought i’d be practicing bodywork forever.

and at 34 at the farm i thought i’d be there forever.


so as i look around now at my life

in this present day – there is the feeling of “forever”, and there is the awareness that this too will change.

Blessings on the day.



dropping the ball, unraveling, & pause.


this needs to be short

because i need to get home

home to my next, new home.

first night tonight.


(this is my new flatmate.)

i’ve been dropping the ball.

feels like everything is happening at once.


sure, i can list the many things that had to get done or that happened this past month and give myself a break.

and while it’s part of my practice to be kind, it’s still challenging for me to offer this sort of kindness towards myself.

the habit is “try to be perfect”


(whatever that really is)

or at the very least, not make excuses.

but it seems like i’m failing



i listened to a wonderful podcast from On Being – Krista Tippet interviewing Brene Brown.

she calls it the mid-life unraveling.

i don’t exactly know if that’s what this time in my life is, but i’ll call it that for now.

certainly feels a bit like an unraveling


(Stanley munching his way through my basket handle)

feels like

i’m a spool of thread

that just ran out, leaving the spool spinning around like a top…


my point in writing this post is to let folks know who get the daily good morning photo that while i will continue to take the photos, i don’t know when the internet & computer will be set up and ready to go.

so, there will be a pause in the good morning photos.

i’ll bank them, and when the computer is good to go, i’ll post them.


thanks for reading my blog.

til the next time,

may you be happy.



quilt, letting go, & allowing

this is a quilt


first one i ever made

in the early 90’s

you can see the many rips & tears in some of the fabric.

most of the white patches were once a rusty orange color – long since faded

…mudcloth given to me by a friend back in 1992

i was a senior in college

and began asking friends for old clothes or pieces of fabric they no longer wanted.

i remember taking the bus

or was it two buses?

in order to get to Sears

i wanted a sewing machine

because i wanted to make a quilt.

the top was completed in 1993


by then i had graduated and began working as a corps member in City Year

there are many memories in this quilt:

…the cloth given by a friend

…the shorts given by the aunt of an ex-boyfriend

…the shirt worn in the 2nd grade poetry recital

…a favorite flannel from a high school

…hem of the long pants from the City Year year

…leftover pieces from jeans-turned-shorts

…the pajamas i wore when Flecks was still alive

i’ve done some patching – but the truth is

i don’t want some of the reminders on the top layer

and recently learned about this garment recycling collection

which allowed for some space around this blanket

which is warm & which i love

but has been neglected – because some of the memories woven into this quilt

i just don’t want the reminders every time i look at it, or use it.

i tried – i tried to patch it

found some beautiful corduroy fabric

but no steam behind it

no heart.

so the other day – i cut off the top layer


leaving the Polarfleece bottom layer

(which mostly became the top layer because i didn’t want the confrontation of the top)

sure, there are memories in the fleece layer as well

…the man i bartered with in NYC from Malden Mills – Shiatsu for fabric scraps that became my second quilt

(then given to my Shiatsu teacher)

…my first long-term boyfriend who gifted me this fabric in 1994

(peace was made here – so, while complicated, i don’t mind this memory.)

i don’t like to waste things – feels bad to just “throw things away”

because there is no “away”

(and thus the beauty of composting)

i find that i also need to bring in some breathing room – i don’t need to drag memories around if they drag me down.


i’m allowing myself to begin again.

which feels like a luxury, in a way.

to start over

simple, perhaps, for most

but for whatever reason

it’s challenging to simply let go, start over, & allow myself to begin again, using materials.

i suppose i owe it to meditation practice helping with this.


Dear Winter,

Dear Winter,


i know you are getting ready to go

i can see it in your light


can hear it in the morning bird song

the sticky, fat buds of the Horse Chestnut trees are a dead-giveaway.

i know a lot of humans are glad you’ll be going.


but i just wanted to let you know

that i really am glad you were here

and that i’ll miss you

and hope you’ll return again.


sure, i’m among those who get scared about driving while you are here

but that’s a price i’ll pay for your visit.

at no other time in the year do people slow down in the way they do while you’re here.


there’s a quiet you bring that i love & appreciate.

a beauty like no other time of year.


mysteries are revealed in your presence.


and omigosh tending the wood stove is one of my favorite things to do.



while there are many people talking about your leaving, and while you may or may not hear what they say

i just wanted to let you know that i love you

and appreciate you

no matter the intensity of your presence.


Spring – while with its own loveliness & beauty & gifts – is sometimes a hard time for me

and it’s because of you & your presence that makes it bearable.


so, thanks for coming, and for staying a while.

i’ll admit, i feel sad to say good-bye to you.

there are others like me, who love you, too.

but i don’t know if they wrote to you, so – just to let you know that you’ve got appreciators & admirers.


i’ll write in the coming months.

hope to see you again,