I forgot to relate to my suffering with curiosity.
I don’t even think it was a matter of forgetting, because to forget, one has to remember, or have some sense of mind-awareness of it in the first place.
So I guess I wasn’t forgetting, but merely embroiled in a cloud of an internal swirling mix of thoughts, projections, worrying, misperceptions, feelings, & emotions.
Sounds like fun, no?
(Raise your hand if anyone out there feels things really deeply)
Stop, & pause & breathe.
I forget to stop. To stop & breathe & just feel, notice, be curious about what is happening inside & outside.
Curiosity out the window
I need to invite curiosity to be my pocket roommate & constant intimate companion.
There is a kind of gentleness which comes automatically when I turn towards the critters & the wild things of this world
Even the weather outside receives the open attention & wonder
This mind sometimes not so different from a box of potatoes gone growing…
Interesting, lovely, amazing even – the will & intelligence of the potato
This quality of attention rarely gets turned around
But that needs to change.
Meditation practice has helped yes
And I need to continue with sitting practice, & to not only read the Dharma –
(Thank you Pema for your practice & writing. thank you Margie for reminding me to re-read When Things Fall Apart, & thank you Mielle for sending me the book in 2009)
– but I seem to require listening to the Dharma as well.
It’s like a returning, a remembering, a face-palm “o yes, THIS! I forgot!”
I’ve been avoiding listening to Dharma talks, because for a while the talks just triggered the thinking about someone who (relatively) recently broke up with me & so I just stopped listening to avoid that trigger.
But it’s my medicine.
And since I’m not in a Dharma community, it’s up to me to surround myself with whatever medicine helps tend to this mind.
Seeding helps, working with plants helps
Listening to the Dharma helps…
Taking photos, noticing beauty in & of the world
Today is a new day
To practice, to remind myself, to remember when I forget
& to practice the kinder attention.
Gratuitous photo of Genuine, enjoying her grass
(Thank you, Jean, for the photo!)
May you remember the feeling of kindness as your experience of this day unfolds.