was a very tender day
i don’t really know why
i could try to point my finger in a number of directions, trying to find the root cause…
Uranus opposition? Pluto square? transits, moon cycle, mid-life unraveling…?
but the truth is i don’t really know.
all i know is that being alive felt very porous
and open to the world
today was grand jury duty.
and today i lied and called in sick because i just felt too tender to go and listen and see
so i stayed home.
i stayed inside.
(the irony of lying regarding jury duty did not escape me)
i listened to the birds, and read, & meditated, made a phone call & wrote some emails trying to forward a project i’ve been working on since 2011, ate food, drank hot water, listened to the 3 saved astrology cd’s, baked muffins, and threw out all of my old journals.
they were in a box marked to be burned in the case of death, so, why was i waiting?
(blue flax is one of my favorite perennials)
today, a friend & shiatsu mentor since 1995 called – it was so nice to catch up.
and so nice to be able to tell her about the tender, raw-ness, & that she understood such things.
she gave her support for taking care of my Heart Protector, for the self-care i practiced today, & encouraged me to stay in Yin until i was ready to rise up again.
and while we are well into Spring, and while it’s the time of great rising energy
well, sometimes, you just gotta stay (y)inside.
and sometimes, you gotta write things that your friends say on your wrist.
on one of the cd’s, my teacher said: you’ve got to share the pain out into the world to heal it.
which, quite honestly, feels really naked-making, but i get the feeling that she’s right.
and so, this.
20 years ago, i moved to NYC to study shiatsu.
and while i don’t practice all that much any more, i am still learning about Heart Protector & Triple Heater.
but from the inside out, this time.
i don’t honestly know where all of this is headed, how things will unfold.
it remains to be seen.
i feel patient, though.
i hope it will be of benefit
this time, this composting time…
i guess only time will tell.