Tag Archives: lying

sometimes, you just gotta stay (y)inside.

yesterday

was a very tender day

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i don’t really know why

i could try to point my finger in a number of directions, trying to find the root cause…

Uranus opposition? Pluto square? transits, moon cycle, mid-life unraveling…?

but the truth is i don’t really know.

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all i know is that being alive felt very porous

and open to the world

thin-skinned.

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today was grand jury duty.

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and today i lied and called in sick because i just felt too tender to go and listen and see

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so i stayed home.

i stayed inside.

(the irony of lying regarding jury duty did not escape me)

i listened to the birds, and read, & meditated, made a phone call & wrote some emails trying to forward a project i’ve been working on since 2011, ate food, drank hot water, listened to the 3 saved astrology cd’s, baked muffins, and threw out all of my old journals.

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they were in a box marked to be burned in the case of death, so, why was i waiting?

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(blue flax is one of my favorite perennials)

today, a friend & shiatsu mentor since 1995 called – it was so nice to catch up.

and so nice to be able to tell her about the tender, raw-ness, & that she understood such things.

she gave her support for taking care of my Heart Protector, for the self-care i practiced today, & encouraged me to stay in Yin until i was ready to rise up again.

and while we are well into Spring, and while it’s the time of great rising energy

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well, sometimes, you just gotta stay (y)inside.

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and sometimes, you gotta write things that your friends say on your wrist.

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on one of the cd’s, my teacher said: you’ve got to share the pain out into the world to heal it.

which, quite honestly, feels really naked-making, but i get the feeling that she’s right.

and so, this.

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20 years ago, i moved to NYC to study shiatsu.

and while i don’t practice all that much any more, i am still learning about Heart Protector & Triple Heater.

but from the inside out, this time.

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i don’t honestly know where all of this is headed, how things will unfold.

it remains to be seen.

i feel patient, though.

i hope it will be of benefit

this time, this composting time…

i guess only time will tell.

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