Tag Archives: love

Boundary Waters & love.


This is a video link to help save the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota from sulfide-ore mining.

It is a beautiful, moving tribute – and a reminder of the few, precious, wild places left – which are treasures

Places to be honored & respected & cared for

National treasures for all to share in their beauty & wonder

I do not understand
How it is
That the world seems to be set up in a way where those who deeply love this land

Are the ones who must ask for money
In support of saving these places which should be protected outright

We care for what we love

The oil & mining companies seem to not love or care for this land we all inhabit, and yet, we pay them money all the time…

It’s a funny set up
Which is not so funny


Through a person, I fell in love with a place, which felt like Home, curiously, despite having never been there before.

May we all turn our actions
Even a fraction
Towards loving this place where we live
May we wake up to knowing that “this place” is not just “where we live”
But actually what we are

Wave of grief

Death comes as a surprise sometimes
And something is felt in the heart

What is it?

Is it the connection that seems to live there like thin, strong layers of Braille embedded in the tissue…?

What is it?

This tenderness…?

For the close-ones left “behind” here on Earth…
My heart and mind seems to turn towards them

And reflecting on how my life has been braided up, & impacted in countless ways by a family…

And reflecting on this man who is no longer embodied
A very kind, and generous man

How his activities in this world have touched the lives of so many
Near and far
Impacting this region of the Northeast…

Recently, someone commented on how they saw my thinking about death as something which sort of colors my life.
I don’t think it was meant as a positive noticing.
But keeping death in mind had me call the person & his wife now and again
To check in, throughout the year
To let them know I was thinking of them
To find out how his treatment was going
To let them know how grateful I am for the times we’ve shared together, and how they positively impacted my life.

Life & death are inseparable.
Keeping death in mind, for me, supports me reaching outside of myself, stretching…
That is, it helps this often-fearful being find courage
A kind of motivator.

Because death and love go hand in hand in my mind
Or, as a friend said to me a while back,
Love and grief walk hand in hand…
Because if you love someone or something, there is the awareness of the tenuousness of life, and things do change, and death will come, and with that – grief.

Intellectually I know things are constantly changing
But emotionally, when things DO change, there is an impact

I’m watching grief come and go in waves
Perhaps it has a sort of function
I don’t know.
I keep catching myself wondering when it’ll all pass & I’ll “feel better”

This is me rushing, again
The habit of trying to get away
And so I will continue to practice, albeit imperfectly, to stay.

Time to sit.
May all beings be happy

internet, loneliness, & rambling about missing my elder

okay i know i’m not supposed to say this


i don’t feel any less lonely than usual now that i have internet


(April 3rd, o yes)

perhaps this is a DUH sort of thing

i guess i had it in my head that something radical would shift once the internet was up and working


but the truth is

i kinda liked having to ask my elder to use his computer

i like being all braided up with others


i do

i need people.

for better or for worse, i do.

i feel at a loss without being braided up with others.

the loneliness gets too big without the connections.


i kinda liked not thinking about email, Facebook, etc. for a while.

i kinda liked going for a week between email checkings, only to find that i hadn’t missed any important emails (because i don’t really get that many important emails…)

i liked asking to use someone else’s computer… sharing.


sure, i got behind on reading blogs

and i was off of Facebook for a month


i wrote letters

i’ve been settling in to my new home


(passion flower was happy for the new window)

going for walks



been on Grand Jury duty

i don’t recommend it if you happen to not like watching crime drama in media…


i go each week and watch & listen to cases being presented in ways where i honestly just want to cover my face and stick my fingers in my ears and go LALALALALALALA


“it could be worse”

a mantra i learned from my elder


who i miss deeply


who i think of every day


she’s in every flower i see blooming


every twittering bird


in the outfits i wear



i do hope

to be so lucky

to love someone in such a way through time

that when the Time comes for them to go


that i’ll feel a sheet-sized tear in my heart


“we’re such lucky, lucky people”

(another anchor mantra)

the last day i saw her


she said to me to make sure i posted it

i don’t know what “it” was or is

so i’ll just keep posting things

it just wasn’t the time to say “what?”

it was just a time to say i love you

to say good bye

to say thank you


after Jury duty i go to the farm where i’m keeping a garden this season

and it’s so helpful.


from a spinning top i become calm, happy, content.

my elder would have wanted Blue Hubbard squash – so i’ll be planting that for sure.

even if she’s not around to eat it.


her memorial service was lovely

so much beauty




facets of her that i never knew about, revealed in the telling of story

such a generosity

lots of food






i think of elephants

their ways of mourning

we’re all not so different, really.



breakfast is for the world of the living

i’m packing to move

and in a purse given to me by my grandmother long ago

my dear Yaya


was a small silk pouch

holding three silver coins

given to me by my grandfather even a longer time ago

my dear Papa


coins from the same year i was born.

and putting them into my hand

feeling their weight

their weight

weight is for the world of the living


feeling their weight i thought of the practice of putting coins in the mouth of a person who had died

imagining these three coins in my mouth, perhaps, one day

i couldn’t remember where the practice comes from

or the symbolic gesture of coins in the mouth

sure, i could have paused, Googled the information

but i didn’t

kept packing


packing is for the world of the living

as is breakfast

steaming, hot oatmeal

which now stands cold

in a bowl

after hearing the news the word


news & words are for the world of the living

of my dear anchor, my friend, my Elder, my love

passing in the night


tears & breakfast don’t go well together

if nothing else, i’ve learned this in my time alive here on the planet

and that is something, just to know that.


full moon pulls in & out

birth & death – labors both

one, we are ushered in, labored in by another.

one, we have to labor ourselves, it seems.

a different sort of birth.


with a mix of grief & joy with memories

sending blessings

to her family


to the hearts of her family & friends

and to all worlds

for all beings everywhere.

sending Metta.


Blessings on music to speak what’s in my heart

i really like this song

and after an emotional day at work

my anchor, my elder, is getting ready to set sail

into her next journey


my dear friend.

she really IS the best.


i had to go to the store afterwards before heading home

and this was playing.

i just lost it


such a beautiful song

i could listen to the last part over & over & over…

and i thank the stars for music –

it speaks what my heart wants to speak but my tongue can’t quite touch…


Pickled peppers, anchors, & Blue Hubbard squash.


Don’t wait.

if you wait, the pickled peppers might go bad.

if someone gives you a gift, open it


use it

use it up

delight in each pepper

savor the spicy zing on the tongue.

before eating – offer thanks, gather blessings

imagine their garden


the tending, the soil


imagine the rain, the sun, and all the Elementals involved in the creation of a plant-being

a pepper


imagine the hands that tended to this pepper plant


these hands that you know

the one that you love

the one that gave you this jar of pickled peppers

because they know you love them

don’t wait to eat them

savor them




every Wednesday, i support the tending of a house & the people, the home of some Elders.

this job, these people

have been my anchors.

since 2009, every Wednesday

(barring retreats, visits to family, & the month i was out when i injured my back in 2012)

every Wednesday this place, these people have been my destination, my North Pole.


from a string of boyfriends, through various places of living, & a number of farming situations

since 2009 they have been my one constant.

Anchor:  any device used in the manner of an anchor to hold a boat in place…. a reliable support…. a source of confidence that serves to hold an object firmly


i need this

i am drifty


finding love here & there – a place, a person, a job

so easy to fall in love

but these Elders, this place, on Wednesdays has held me tight

with gratidute

even when i want to leave, to run…


but i stay.

i love them.

they love Blue Hubbard squash.


the first year i farmed on my own it was a bumper crop for Winter squash.

hundreds of pounds

but no place to put them.


so they let me put all of them in their upstairs bedroom

the great Blue Hubbard – easily over 25 pounds – sat like an emperor on a low table


this year i planted no Winter squash


but found a Blue Hubbard and with the remembering of the pickled peppers

decided to not wait any longer to cook it up


(well, part of it)


big beauty.


into soup

made to share


don’t wait.

who are your anchors?

what would you want to say to the ones you appreciate?

who are the people that have made a difference in your life?


what would you share with them if you allowed your heart to speak?

what would you want to let them know

if you let your heart speak it’s appreciations?


don’t wait

do you have a dream in your heart?


a longing that has been there forever?

a way of life you want to live?


would you dare speak your heart to the one that causes it to beat a little faster?

even though you might feel like a prize fool after?

gather up your courage

and speak from your heart.

don’t wait.

open the jar of pickled peppers

make the soup from the Hubbard you’ve been saving

let The Ones know how your heart feels about them

and the ways they have shaped the life of your life.

don’t wait.


Masonry stoves & breakfast for Belgians this morning.

there was a lot of snow last night, roads were sketchy

so instead of driving home, i stayed with my friends for the night.


this is Nutella (her official name) – goes by mostly Neuzers or Nuey…  and lucky me she was on my lap

(kitties on the lap force a pause in craft-time)

i was working on a sweater

and happened to be sitting near the masonry stove.

a fabulous element of this home

warm, quiet, friendly.

there’s even an oven in it.

i mean, you can sit right up against it


so brilliant


it offers a soft heat, and uses way less wood than a traditional wood stove.


in the morning i found myself leaning up against it and it was still hot after a fire was lit the night before.


in the morning we set out to feed the horses before i left into the day


Clare, Connor, & Sasha were standing near the watering holes where Sara turns off the solar electric fence.

that’s where i got to give them some apples


Connor’s massive head munching his apple

Connor is Clare’s son, and he’s the largest one of the three


terrible photo, but that’s Clare on the left

she’s an Ancient & such an amazing worker…


another terrible shot, but that’s Sara with Clare.

Belgian Clydesdales are shorter & stockier than Clydesdales. 

i’m used to the Belgians, though

and find they are my favorite breed of horse

Sasha is a light horse and he seems so tiny since Belgians are what are “normal” in my mind, having spent so much time around them…


Sara heading into the shed to get hay & grain – Sasha, Clare, & Connor following soon after


Connor is so massive

and their coats are really shaggy & thick with the Winter


Sara takes such good care of them

Clare gets extra grain & a supplement for her joints


she also gets some extra hay to keep her weight up


Connor munching his grain, Sasha waiting for his bowl


while Clare eats her grain, Sara works on her hip & leg… connecting with her dear friend through touch.

they have a beautiful relationship, these two beautiful ladies…