Tag Archives: Izzy

Izzy head bonks.

Head bonks with Izzy are full-on.


quilt, letting go, & allowing

this is a quilt

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first one i ever made

in the early 90’s

you can see the many rips & tears in some of the fabric.

most of the white patches were once a rusty orange color – long since faded

…mudcloth given to me by a friend back in 1992

i was a senior in college

and began asking friends for old clothes or pieces of fabric they no longer wanted.

i remember taking the bus

or was it two buses?

in order to get to Sears

i wanted a sewing machine

because i wanted to make a quilt.

the top was completed in 1993

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by then i had graduated and began working as a corps member in City Year

there are many memories in this quilt:

…the cloth given by a friend

…the shorts given by the aunt of an ex-boyfriend

…the shirt worn in the 2nd grade poetry recital

…a favorite flannel from a high school

…hem of the long pants from the City Year year

…leftover pieces from jeans-turned-shorts

…the pajamas i wore when Flecks was still alive

i’ve done some patching – but the truth is

i don’t want some of the reminders on the top layer

and recently learned about this garment recycling collection

which allowed for some space around this blanket

which is warm & which i love

but has been neglected – because some of the memories woven into this quilt

i just don’t want the reminders every time i look at it, or use it.

i tried – i tried to patch it

found some beautiful corduroy fabric

but no steam behind it

no heart.

so the other day – i cut off the top layer

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leaving the Polarfleece bottom layer

(which mostly became the top layer because i didn’t want the confrontation of the top)

sure, there are memories in the fleece layer as well

…the man i bartered with in NYC from Malden Mills – Shiatsu for fabric scraps that became my second quilt

(then given to my Shiatsu teacher)

…my first long-term boyfriend who gifted me this fabric in 1994

(peace was made here – so, while complicated, i don’t mind this memory.)

i don’t like to waste things – feels bad to just “throw things away”

because there is no “away”

(and thus the beauty of composting)

i find that i also need to bring in some breathing room – i don’t need to drag memories around if they drag me down.

so

i’m allowing myself to begin again.

which feels like a luxury, in a way.

to start over

simple, perhaps, for most

but for whatever reason

it’s challenging to simply let go, start over, & allow myself to begin again, using materials.

i suppose i owe it to meditation practice helping with this.

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Izzy – further introductions

Izzy has a number of nicknames.

Ziz, Muonjiao, Xiao, Miz Iz, Susu, Sushi, Sushi looshi, Izzy bear, Izzy bean, Sasie, Sasie-su…

(this is not even all of them…)

she’s a special.

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(after being woken up by me in one of her Spring & Summer nap spots.)

this is up on a high shelf in Matt & Jenny’s office.

in all seriousness, the conclusion has been come to that she may be a bit autistic.

she seems to prefer squeezed-sorts of places to reside

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i was sitting, eating dinner one night, leaning up against this pillow that you can see she has just crawled into.

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then she turned herself around

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mind you, the pillow is also in there with her…

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she was just relaxing for a while

and then…

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snoozers

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zonked Izzy

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i love this cat.

we have a close relationship.

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i’m happy to be in her life.

she needs to be encouraged to drink water

and seems to prefer licking water from a person over any other way…

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she doesn’t seem to drink enough for some reason

so there are little containers of water throughout the house

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she’s also a huge fan of greens.

dark leafy greens, lettuce, cabbage, collards…

if it’s green, she wants to eat it.

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moumph-moumph

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we play together & seem to get each other.

she really likes her people.

when everyone is awake in the morning is when she seems happiest.

i’m happy to be her nanny.

she’s bold and chatty & friendly and beautiful.

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i feel like i’m really not doing her justice with my words

ah well…

i do love her so


Izzy & Sophie settle in for the morning.

in the mornings

it takes Izzy a while to settle down for a nap

she’ll follow humans around the house and talk-story

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(from a sunnier day in September)

or request a Shiatsu session on “her” rug

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but perhaps with this day – rainy, grey, Novemberish sort of day

today she settled down early

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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz’s

it’s a minor miracle, being before 9:30am…

that’s at least and hour and a half before her earliest settling…

Sophie, on the other hand, puts herself down early for a morning nap without fail.

often before 10am,

and rarely past then…

today,

Sophie being Small

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Wood stove season with the Sophie & Izzy.

the wood stove season has begun!

now all i want to do is watch comedy on Netflix & mend clothes

(seriously, every pair of jeans has been patched at least once…)

this will be my third Winter living here with the woodstove

i love it.

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the cats love it too.

that’s Izzy, totally zonked.

lucky me i get to be with them passed out in the evenings.

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this is Sophie, and i have disturbed her existence…

i get to stack wood & keep the fire going & make sure there’s a stockpile of newspaper & kindling.

i love every part of heating with a wood stove.

(i feel like that doofus cartoon character who is all crazy about going to the city to meet girls.  except in my case i’m all crazy about the wood stove.)

for three years before living here, i lived in a very sweet, and very cold studio apartment in a barn.

had a beautiful view, was nearby very nice people, but HOLY CRAP it was cold.

there was propane fuel, so not only was it cold, it was expensive to “heat”.

now the wood stove is going…

it’s lovely.

“hell in a box” is its nickname.

i live in a basement apartment in a house with my housemates/landlords.

i share the kitchen.

i like living in the basement.

for the first time in my life (well, since being a teenager…) that i can sleep past 6am.

(it’s a minor miracle when i sleep til 8.)

i used to wake up at 5 and not be able to get back to sleep.

now it’s no problem.

it happens every day – when Izzy, one of the cats, wakes me up between 4:30 & 5am to make sure they have kibble for the day…

(i consider this a part of my cat nanny responsibilities.  and anyways it’s a good time to stoke the fire…)

and i’m able to go back to sleep.

fortunately, work begins at 10am, so, there’s time to sleep a bit more, and plenty of time to get ready in the morning.

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i used to rush rush rush

now i don’t like to rush

when i rush i always forget something

so i try to take my time

breathe

notice what i’m doing.

i may not make the big bucks, but i do enjoy my mornings.

as i write this

i can feel a sort of guilty slime descending in my mind…

like it’s not okay to have a life like this.

i think there’s something in me that thinks it’s not okay to take time.

fortunately, i have friends who have seen me bust my ass working really hard, and they remind me that it’s okay to live like this.

i shake my head at myself

“jeez Marn, you are 42 years old and you still need the validation from your friends about your life?!?!?”

yep.

i do.

i’m still working on stuff.

still releasing old old habit patterns of thoughts and behaviors and beliefs.

baffling how deep the grooves run.

and how effort-full (and worth it) to actively practice doing something differently…