Not enough, apparently.
As many times as one forgets in a day, one needs more reminders than that.
And I can even recall hearing a teaching by Pema Chodron where she says: we need a lot of supports.
Identifying with my thoughts & feelings
And sometimes it takes nearly a day to see through this.
(Who am I kidding… This is nearly a lifelong habit, and has sometimes gone on for days…
This mind tipping into story as one falls into gravity)
Of this, I am not proud.
it is often where I am.
And that’s the only place I can start from.
Again and again.
Now, this is not a complaint, nor do I mean for it to be an excuse:
I do not really “have” a Sangha.
It’s just what is at the moment.
I am grateful for internet access to talks, for retreats, and teachers who share the Dharma so generously, and for the disparate friends who are on the path that are willing to be in communication with me, helping me remember.
Especially when I’m in what seems like a deep place of forgetting.
One of “my Dharma friends” (who has since moved away) and I would recite this practice he introduced me to
A sort of prayer for the ancient Sangha… Praising and venerating Buddha’s main disciples- one of which I could identify with wholeheartedly.
He was the one who forgot.
His name was something like:
And because he could not seem to remember, his practice was incorporated into his chores, a movement practice – of sweeping the temple…
(Of course, I’m not remembering the two-line mantras he would roll in his mind throughout the day…)
Eventually, through his dedication and practice, he woke up.
It took about 4 hours to recite the entire, um, prayer (I’m not sure if that’s even the correct word to describe the practice…)
And it was great to focus like that, sustained through a portion of the day
Because, WHOA habits can be deeply grooved
And seeing, with the support of a Dharma friend with her practice so grounded, that given I have yet to become grounded in dis-identifying with the thoughts and feelings which can come so strong
Though I’m not yet sure what life will look like in order to support the “remindings” I seem to need.