Tag Archives: breathing

connections, jury duty, & wondering what is needed.

 

 

 

 

 

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being on grand jury duty

i cannot say what any of the cases are about.

i can say how challenging it is to sit & stay present

the mind wants to “check out”

“stay” i say

“stay”

feel your legs press into the seat of the chair

feel your feet in your socks in your shoes

the breath moving in & out of this body

“stay”

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it was a breezy day

the wind blew pink petals around like snow falling upwards

swirling

so beautiful

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it’s Thursday

so i take out the pocket knife

emblazoned with a butterfly

a gift from my dad

kept in my bag because you never know when you might need to slice open an avocado.

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or a cucumber…

it’s Thursday so i clip my nails

into the compost bucket

to prevent me picking at my nails out of worry as i sit and feel my legs on the back of the chair

i do not replace the clippers back into my bag

clippers & knife stay at home on Thursday.

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the dogwoods are blooming

and as i sit, and listen, and wince at what i hear being told in the deliberation room

i can’t help but wonder:

what is it

that people are needing?

what do people need that they are perhaps not getting?

what can be taught?

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what path?

how is it that such things are occurring in this world?

*sigh*

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my life, for the most part, is pretty simple, compared to most lives here in the states.

i am present to the goodnesses in my life, especially on Thursdays.

and while i can certainly complain about, o, nearly any given thing…

i can also be present to the connections & gratitude –

just noticing that i can *miracles upon miracles* walk, hold things, see, smell, taste, etc…

just sitting down for breakfast – and gathering up the awareness of all the factors, people, hands that went into a so-called simple bowl of oatmeal & tea.

try it some time…

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when i was a child

i used to attempt to see the trails that people left as they moved about their day.

i failed at this – & could not see the lines.

so i began to imagine them.

all the places they crossed & intersected…

it got to be complicated & was difficult to hold the seeing…

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sitting in grand jury duty

i do not know what impact each decision i make will have on the life of another.

i wish i could see so clearly.

alas.

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