Tag Archives: awareness

Remembering reminders after forgetting.

I forgot to relate to my suffering with curiosity.



I don’t even think it was a matter of forgetting, because to forget, one has to remember, or have some sense of mind-awareness of it in the first place.

So I guess I wasn’t forgetting, but merely embroiled in a cloud of an internal swirling mix of thoughts, projections, worrying, misperceptions, feelings, & emotions.

Sounds like fun, no?



(Raise your hand if anyone out there feels things really deeply)

O hiiiiiiii!



Stop, & pause & breathe.

I forget to stop. To stop & breathe & just feel, notice, be curious about what is happening inside & outside.

Curiosity out the window

I need to invite curiosity to be my pocket roommate & constant intimate companion.



There is a kind of gentleness which comes automatically when I turn towards the critters & the wild things of this world



Even the weather outside receives the open attention & wonder



This mind sometimes not so different from a box of potatoes gone growing…



Um….

Interesting, lovely, amazing even – the will & intelligence of the potato

(Hello Compost)

This quality of attention rarely gets turned around

But that needs to change.



Meditation practice has helped yes

And I need to continue with sitting practice, & to not only read the Dharma –

(Thank you Pema for your practice & writing. thank you Margie for reminding me to re-read When Things Fall Apart, & thank you Mielle for sending me the book in 2009)

– but I seem to require listening to the Dharma as well.

http://www.dharmaseed.org/talks/audio_player/315/23234.html



It’s like a returning, a remembering, a face-palm “o yes, THIS! I forgot!”



I’ve been avoiding listening to Dharma talks, because for a while the talks just triggered the thinking about someone who (relatively) recently broke up with me & so I just stopped listening to avoid that trigger.

But it’s my medicine.

My medicine.

And since I’m not in a Dharma community, it’s up to me to surround myself with whatever medicine helps tend to this mind.



Seeding helps, working with plants helps 

Listening to the Dharma helps…

Making art…



Taking photos, noticing beauty in & of the world





Today is a new day

To practice, to remind myself, to remember when I forget

& to practice the kinder attention.



Gratuitous photo of Genuine, enjoying her grass

(Thank you, Jean, for the photo!)



May you remember the feeling of kindness as your experience of this day unfolds.


connections, jury duty, & wondering what is needed.

 

 

 

 

 

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being on grand jury duty

i cannot say what any of the cases are about.

i can say how challenging it is to sit & stay present

the mind wants to “check out”

“stay” i say

“stay”

feel your legs press into the seat of the chair

feel your feet in your socks in your shoes

the breath moving in & out of this body

“stay”

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it was a breezy day

the wind blew pink petals around like snow falling upwards

swirling

so beautiful

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it’s Thursday

so i take out the pocket knife

emblazoned with a butterfly

a gift from my dad

kept in my bag because you never know when you might need to slice open an avocado.

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or a cucumber…

it’s Thursday so i clip my nails

into the compost bucket

to prevent me picking at my nails out of worry as i sit and feel my legs on the back of the chair

i do not replace the clippers back into my bag

clippers & knife stay at home on Thursday.

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the dogwoods are blooming

and as i sit, and listen, and wince at what i hear being told in the deliberation room

i can’t help but wonder:

what is it

that people are needing?

what do people need that they are perhaps not getting?

what can be taught?

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what path?

how is it that such things are occurring in this world?

*sigh*

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my life, for the most part, is pretty simple, compared to most lives here in the states.

i am present to the goodnesses in my life, especially on Thursdays.

and while i can certainly complain about, o, nearly any given thing…

i can also be present to the connections & gratitude –

just noticing that i can *miracles upon miracles* walk, hold things, see, smell, taste, etc…

just sitting down for breakfast – and gathering up the awareness of all the factors, people, hands that went into a so-called simple bowl of oatmeal & tea.

try it some time…

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when i was a child

i used to attempt to see the trails that people left as they moved about their day.

i failed at this – & could not see the lines.

so i began to imagine them.

all the places they crossed & intersected…

it got to be complicated & was difficult to hold the seeing…

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sitting in grand jury duty

i do not know what impact each decision i make will have on the life of another.

i wish i could see so clearly.

alas.

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