Death comes as a surprise sometimes
And something is felt in the heart
What is it?
Is it the connection that seems to live there like thin, strong layers of Braille embedded in the tissue…?
For the close-ones left “behind” here on Earth…
My heart and mind seems to turn towards them
And reflecting on how my life has been braided up, & impacted in countless ways by a family…
And reflecting on this man who is no longer embodied
A very kind, and generous man
Recently, someone commented on how they saw my thinking about death as something which sort of colors my life.
I don’t think it was meant as a positive noticing.
But keeping death in mind had me call the person & his wife now and again
To check in, throughout the year
To let them know I was thinking of them
To find out how his treatment was going
To let them know how grateful I am for the times we’ve shared together, and how they positively impacted my life.
Life & death are inseparable.
Keeping death in mind, for me, supports me reaching outside of myself, stretching…
That is, it helps this often-fearful being find courage
A kind of motivator.
Because death and love go hand in hand in my mind
Or, as a friend said to me a while back,
Love and grief walk hand in hand…
Because if you love someone or something, there is the awareness of the tenuousness of life, and things do change, and death will come, and with that – grief.
Intellectually I know things are constantly changing
But emotionally, when things DO change, there is an impact
I’m watching grief come and go in waves
Perhaps it has a sort of function
I don’t know.
I keep catching myself wondering when it’ll all pass & I’ll “feel better”
This is me rushing, again
The habit of trying to get away
And so I will continue to practice, albeit imperfectly, to stay.