connections, jury duty, & wondering what is needed.







being on grand jury duty

i cannot say what any of the cases are about.

i can say how challenging it is to sit & stay present

the mind wants to “check out”

“stay” i say


feel your legs press into the seat of the chair

feel your feet in your socks in your shoes

the breath moving in & out of this body



it was a breezy day

the wind blew pink petals around like snow falling upwards


so beautiful


it’s Thursday

so i take out the pocket knife

emblazoned with a butterfly

a gift from my dad

kept in my bag because you never know when you might need to slice open an avocado.


or a cucumber…

it’s Thursday so i clip my nails

into the compost bucket

to prevent me picking at my nails out of worry as i sit and feel my legs on the back of the chair

i do not replace the clippers back into my bag

clippers & knife stay at home on Thursday.


the dogwoods are blooming

and as i sit, and listen, and wince at what i hear being told in the deliberation room

i can’t help but wonder:

what is it

that people are needing?

what do people need that they are perhaps not getting?

what can be taught?


what path?

how is it that such things are occurring in this world?



my life, for the most part, is pretty simple, compared to most lives here in the states.

i am present to the goodnesses in my life, especially on Thursdays.

and while i can certainly complain about, o, nearly any given thing…

i can also be present to the connections & gratitude –

just noticing that i can *miracles upon miracles* walk, hold things, see, smell, taste, etc…

just sitting down for breakfast – and gathering up the awareness of all the factors, people, hands that went into a so-called simple bowl of oatmeal & tea.

try it some time…


when i was a child

i used to attempt to see the trails that people left as they moved about their day.

i failed at this – & could not see the lines.

so i began to imagine them.

all the places they crossed & intersected…

it got to be complicated & was difficult to hold the seeing…


sitting in grand jury duty

i do not know what impact each decision i make will have on the life of another.

i wish i could see so clearly.






About Marneymae

small organic farmers are my heroes. has a deep appreciation for clean, running water. keeps a digging fork in the trunk of my car to move dead animals off the road. View all posts by Marneymae

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