so i began to blog because i fell in love with someone last Winter.
someone who i loved in a way i didn’t really understand
in a way that called me to be a way i didn’t know i could be.
strange, easy connection.
it didn’t unfold in that capital R relationship-y way
we were, and are friends
and i’m happy for him that he’s found someone with whom there seems to be a quite wonderful connection between the two of them
this is the best of things.
i began to blog.
because i had stopped farming
and this relationship-connection where sharing occurred was no longer there…
because i felt i had to do something
the energy had to go somewhere
i began to blog.
not because i think i have “something to say”
it came more out of a sort of need
i don’t write much about relationship (or Relationship)
but find that i think about relationships a lot.
not just in that “longing” way, but just thinking about it.
i’m in relationship with everyone
all the time.
i feel sad, grief i didn’t expect to feel
upon seeing images of a beloved teacher who just passed away.
someone who was very warm, very present, and very kind.
and even though we didn’t share a lot of time out side of the school
there is something in me that feels a great grief in knowing that she’s not embodied any more…
i’d often drive by her house, & every time i would think fondly of her
even though i had only been there once.
i knew it was her house, her home
and memory is a funny and wonderful thing
i feel lucky, fortunate, to have shared some time with this very kind, earthy, strong woman.
and i guess it just brings home
that this time we are here is very short
and we all know that things can change on a dime
the truth of that kinda freaks me out, and i’m feeling it today.
feeling a kind of achy love feeling inside
for the people & critters in my life today…
thinking of her family, and those close with her…
feeling the web of connection today…